Attachment Injuries

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Are You Struggling to
Understand "Why"?

“Why am I not good enough for him?”
“What did I do wrong?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
"Why do I withdraw and sometimes even isolate whenever I am criticized?"
"Why do I have a need to people please?"
"Why do I always end up being the caretaker?"
"Why do I hold back my own opinions, and even fear rejection, particularly around other men?"
 
The same questions repeating themselves, over and over, more often than a rower repeats his stroke.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

"I have dated countless men and continue to hit dead ends
when all I want is one healthy, long-lasting relationship..."

 

All of those years of pain, trying to fix everything for everyone, whether they asked for it or not, anxiety, depression, "craziness" and then ultimately losing who you are completely and ignoring the need for self-care.

 

Can you relate?

If it feels like the universe has been conspiring against you (many things have been going wrong, you keep trusting the wrong people, you just can't seem to get out of your own way, you're chronically ill)... know that you're NOT an anomaly, you're not overly judgmental or needy - but actually fall into a behavioral category than can be talked about and worked on.

 

Only you can make the decision to break the cycle...

impossible at it may seem...

ANYONE IS CAPABLE OF
TRANSFORMING THEIR RELATIONSHIP

This isn’t about demonizing your parents (or anyone) but rather recovering from their shortcomings.
This is about taking responsibility for your own healing. Why?

 

Because it's very hard to be kind to people, to focus on your work, to love others when all your power is spent trying to pretend you don't feel like s**t. When you can't sleep because your heart is beating so forcefully that the entire bed is vibrating - at least it feels that way - you not only lose the joy of sleep, but you feel hopeless and miserable and even more so when you're not able to understand why you feel this way.

 

No matter how many times you tell yourself that your traumatic feelings were valid, no matter if you know it to be true, you can't stop the voice inside berating you as weak, too sensitive, dramatic, undeserving - which is a source of constant stress and triggering.
Together we'll work on detaching you just enough to observe what triggered what emotional responses. As well as enabling you to practice self-care in a manner that perhaps seemed impossible before.
It’s Not Just About Independence Or Breaking Patterns…
It’s About Creating The
Relationship Of Your Dreams
If you are looking for better ways to manage the intense anxiety of dating, take control of your unsatisfying relationships, or forge an intimate relationship that doesn’t scare or hurt you, it's time to take action.

 

Don’t wait or be afraid to ask for help!
Schedule your free 15 minute consultation today
Let’s begin the journey to a happier, healthier partnership.

Do any of these questions apply to you?

Are you a people pleaser?

Do you take better care of other people than you do yourself?

Do you change yourself because you fear rejection or distrust your own decisions and feelings?

Do you try to fix and control people, places, and things?

Do you pretend to agree when you really disagree?

Do you obsess about other people by thinking about them, feeling anxious about them, and checking up on them?

Do you often conceal your true feelings?

Do you find yourself going along with an activity you really don’t want to do? Or do you join in on something you don’t feel like doing?

Do you feel stuck and victimized?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, you may be struggling and have difficulty with setting healthy boundaries. These behaviors can be a sign it’s time to do some inner work. In order to heal, you have to embrace the hurt first. Then, like a snake, you metaphorically shed that skin. Only you can be the one to take that first step...

 

...if not now, then when?
THE TIME FOR ACTION IS NOW...
BUT ONLY YOU CAN TAKE IT!
Don’t wait or be afraid to ask for help!
Schedule your FREE 15 minute consultation today.
Let’s begin the journey to a happier, healthier partnership.
There are different attachment styles,
here's a simple guide to help you navigate them...

These attachment styles can create emotional difficulties and limitations in the individual’s personal life and in their romantic relationships. However, these patterns can be changed and repaired through self-awareness. The causes, consequences, and solutions can be addressed and overcome leading to a more rewarding and enriched life.

Secure Attachment

Generally had a healthy childhood where they learned that their family would show up for them and meet their emotional, mental, and physical needs on a consistent basis.

As a result of believing that people would most likely show up for them and they would have their needs met, they were able to relax in relationships and learn the value of giving and reciprocating emotional needs. These clients have a better shot at having healthy intimate relationships.

Current estimates are that 35-50% of us have a secure attachment style.

Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment

Think mixed messages and contradictions in the way emotions are handled and presented. The root of the attachment issue is having received contradictory love and acceptance from their parents. As a result, they never knew if people would consistently show up for them.

With this kind of upbringing, they transfer these worries about whether their romantic partner will always be there for them or will abandon them during times of need.

They experience loving relationships as a place to express their strong needs for closeness and affection they may not have received growing up. They often express dependence, needing approval, and overwhelming sensitivity to potential rejection.

However, because of their background, they often maintain an attitude of waiting for things to go wrong in the relationship and are pre-occupied or on high alert for rejection or keeping on the lookout for potential issues that could happen with their partner. They express anxiety about all their relationships and have difficulty tolerating difficult emotions. This often leads to the use of substance or escapism to deal with unwanted emotions.

Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

The anxious-avoidant attachment style generally comes as a result of growing up with emotionally unavailable or distant caregivers. Often the family of origin members didn’t know how or were unable to provide support when the child needed it. The parents might have told themselves that they were being standoffish out of a desire to help the child become independent or more responsible. The unfortunate outcome was that the child received the message that they were odd, different, not like others, and that the only person they could trust was themselves. They believe there will never be anyone who can support them or help them in life.

The person with this type of attachment style finds it hard to make close emotional connections with others. As a result, they experience deep emotional pain that is hidden from others and often looks like they prefer to be self-sufficient or independent.

This push-pull attitude creates intense anxiety when starting to get into a close emotional relationship or when they sense someone wants depth or commitment from the relationship. This also creates a mixed message, not because they don’t care, but in their inability to be clear on their own emotions or how to best process them. They have never been able to feel secure that others will accept them for who they are and as a result decide it’s better to keep emotions close to the chest to avoid feeling too emotional, which equates to unacceptable vulnerability.

Disorganized/Disoriented/Unresolved Attachment

Assumes that others will let them down in some way emotionally, mentally, or physically and responds to relationships looking to avoid the pain of feeling rejected by rejecting others first.

This person has often experienced a history of abuse in their family of origin or in important relationships. Caregivers often used physical punishment to intimidate.

Caregivers at an early age left the person with a sense that they were indifferent to them in their life and may have vacillated between affection and irritation at their presence in the caregiver’s life with no explanation.

People with disorganized attachment were often left alone with no support during moments of sadness or distress. These people never knew what to expect from the people in their lives who were supposed to protect them.

These patterns are learned and repeated in their adult relationships. Maintaining consistent behaviors and emotions in relationships is a struggle. Most unresolved attachment styles create unexpected behaviors and attitudes of withdrawal and turning inward when unhappy or anxious.

WHY
THE RELATIONSHIP PLACE?

In healthy relationships, conflict, whether explicit or underneath the surface, is NORMAL

You’re not a clone of your partner, nor would you want to be. You have your own thoughts, values, and expectations.

These differences create the perfect circumstances for a storm to brew that will eventually lead to conflict.

Successful relationships are not based on how similar you are to your partner. Instead, success is determined by how well you manage your differences.

It’s not your fault that you’re having problems in your relationships – AND there is nothing wrong with you.

Effective communication skills were likely not taught or modeled for you when growing up, so you have to learn them just like most of us.

Everyone wants to be loved, and that’s why you’re here. You’re brave to seek out therapy so you can discover how to love and be loved better.

The key to solving your problems is to deepen your connection with one another and to find healthy ways of resolving your differences.

Conveniently Located On 3232 Fourth Avenue in San Diego
SD Relationship Place
DOES YOUR LIFE FEEL
LIKE IT'S OUT OF CONTROL?
Without strong foundations, couples will always struggle.
Our therapists can help improve the quality of your relationship.

Make Today the Day!

It all starts with a free personalized phone consultation.

Take the first step. Feel better!

Schedule a 15-minute Phone consultation.

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