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couple in retirement revealing partner change and growth

Retirement Doesn’t Change Your Relationship—It Reveals It

Relationship, Retirement /

What My Conversation with The Washington Post Made Me Think About Long-Term Love   When The Washington Post recently interviewed me about retirement and relationships, I was glad to see a national conversation turn toward something I discuss with couples every week. Retirement is often treated as a financial event. In my therapy office, it’s usually a relationship event. We spend decades preparing retirement accounts, meeting with financial planners, and imagining what life will look […]

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couple gaslighting in relationship

Is Gaslighting Happening in Your Relationship? What to Know and What to Do

As Seen In, Relationship /

Have you ever left an argument with your partner feeling confused about what actually happened — not just hurt or frustrated, but genuinely unsure whether your own memory can be trusted? If so, you’re not alone. And there may be a name for what you’ve been experiencing. Gaslighting has become one of the most frequently discussed topics in couples therapy today. While the word itself has become something of a cultural shorthand, the behaviors behind

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Dr Dana McNeil and Jeffrey Young podcast redefining commitment

Redefining Commitment: Our Debut on Last First Date Radio

As Seen In, Dating /

Commitment used to come with a script. You said the vows, took the role, and the relationship ran on autopilot from there. That script doesn’t hold up anymore — and saying so out loud, on someone else’s microphone, turned out to be a milestone of its own. Last month, Dana and I joined Sandy Weiner on Last First Date Radio for our first podcast appearance on that program: “How to Redefine Commitment for Modern Relationships.”

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couple choosing therapist

How to Choose a Couples Therapist: Why Understanding the Problem Comes First

Couples Counseling /

Searching for couples therapy can feel overwhelming before you even make a single call. Should we try Gottman Method? Emotionally Focused Therapy? A couples intensive? Discernment counseling? The options seem endless — and most websites ask you to choose one before they’ve learned a single thing about you. As a couples therapist, I’ve always found this a bit backwards. The most important question isn’t which therapy method is best. The most important question is understanding

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couple in therapy getting furious and colluding

Why Couples Sometimes Work Against Therapy Without Realizing It

Affairs/Infidelity, Couples Counseling /

I recently taught a CAMFT (California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists) and Gottman Institute training for therapists on a topic that doesn’t get nearly enough airtime in couples work: collusion. Specifically, the subtle, silent, often unconscious ways therapists can drift out of neutrality without realizing it. But the part of that conversation that’s stayed with me most has less to do with therapists, and more to do with couples themselves — because plenty of

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ways to thrive for men and women

The Many Ways to Thrive: What Thriveways Has Always Meant

Growth, Thoughts /

I celebrate myself, and sing myself, / And what I assume you shall assume, / For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. — Walt Whitman, Song of Myself A word worth pausing on Thrive is one of the rare verbs in English with no clean synonym. Flourish comes closest, but feels botanical. Succeed is too narrow — it measures outcomes rather than aliveness. Grow is too vague, and prosper belongs to

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mother in her 40s with new child

Becoming a Mom Again in Your 40s: What Feels Different (and Why That Can Be a Good Thing)

As Seen In, New Mother, Parenting /

Featured in Good Housekeeping: “Here’s What’s Great About Becoming a Mom in Your 40s” 5/10/26   There’s a lot of conversation right now about women becoming mothers later in life. Many are curious about the experiences and challenges of becoming a mom in your 40s. And while the focus is often on what might feel harder—energy, timing, or starting again—what I see in my work tells a more nuanced story about motherhood at 40. Because

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adult children therapy patterns argument

Family Therapy with Adult Children: Breaking Intergenerational Patterns That Have Been Building for Years

Family Therapy, Parenting /

Family therapy is changing. More and more, families are reaching out—not for young children, but for older teens and adult children, often after years of unaddressed patterns.   These are not new issues. They are long-standing dynamics—communication patterns, misunderstandings, and emotional distances that have built quietly over time. And at a certain point, many families begin to ask:   “We can’t keep doing this… so what do we do now?”   Why Families Seek Family

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