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Couples Counseling

Here are some resources for those seeking information on couples counseling.

couple choosing therapist

How to Choose a Couples Therapist: Why Understanding the Problem Comes First

Couples Counseling /

Searching for couples therapy can feel overwhelming before you even make a single call. Should we try Gottman Method? Emotionally Focused Therapy? A couples intensive? Discernment counseling? The options seem endless — and most websites ask you to choose one before they’ve learned a single thing about you. As a couples therapist, I’ve always found this a bit backwards. The most important question isn’t which therapy method is best. The most important question is understanding […]

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couple in therapy getting furious and colluding

Why Couples Sometimes Work Against Therapy Without Realizing It

Affairs/Infidelity, Couples Counseling /

I recently taught a CAMFT (California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists) and Gottman Institute training for therapists on a topic that doesn’t get nearly enough airtime in couples work: collusion. Specifically, the subtle, silent, often unconscious ways therapists can drift out of neutrality without realizing it. But the part of that conversation that’s stayed with me most has less to do with therapists, and more to do with couples themselves — because plenty of

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couple in therapy intensive in San Diego holding hands on couch

Thinking About a Couples Therapy Intensive? Not All Are Created Equal!

Couples Counseling /

Over the past few years, couples therapy intensives have become increasingly popular — including here in San Diego and throughout Southern California. What was once considered a specialized format is now widely marketed as a faster way to create change. I recently saw a San Diego therapist referral group where someone asked a simple question: “Does anyone offer couples intensives?” Within hours, there were more than two dozen responses. What struck me wasn’t the number

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An emotionally distant couple sitting in different parts of the room while one partner looks down at a glowing phone with a soft, intimate expression, suggesting a secretive emotional connection outside the relationship.

Is an Emotional Affair Cheating? Signs and What to Do Next

Affairs/Infidelity, Couples Counseling /

An emotional affair can feel confusing — especially because it often doesn’t start as an affair. It starts as a friendship. And in many cases, it starts at work. A coworker who “just gets you.” A conversation that feels easy. A person who listens. A text thread that becomes the highlight of your day. And then one day, you realize something has shifted. You’re not just talking. You’re emotionally leaning. And sometimes… you’re starting to

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military officer jacket after affair

Military Infidelity: When an Affair Can Become a Career Ender

Affairs/Infidelity, Couples Counseling /

Infidelity is painful in any relationship. But in the military, it can carry a different kind of weight — because betrayal doesn’t just threaten the marriage. It can threaten a career, a clearance, a reputation, and in some cases, an entire future. And that reality creates a unique problem: many couples feel trapped between wanting help and being terrified of what help could cost them. If you’re reading this and thinking, “This is exactly our

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Couple struggling with intimacy in a sexless marriage (San Diego couples therapy)

Sexless Marriage? What to Do When Intimacy Disappears

Couples Counseling, Relationship, Sexual Health /

San Diego Couples Therapy Insights from The Relationship Place A sexless marriage can feel confusing and deeply painful — especially when one partner wants intimacy and the other seems distant, avoidant, or uninterested. Couples often tell themselves it’s “just a phase,” but over time, a lack of sex can create emotional loneliness, resentment, insecurity, and disconnection. At The Relationship Place, we work with couples across San Diego (and throughout CA and TX) who feel stuck

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couple ritual of connection

Seeing Your Partner Clearly: Appreciation, Gratitude, and Connection

Couples Counseling, Growth /

One of the quiet truths I have learned through years of clinical work and lived relationship is that intimacy does not erode primarily through conflict. It erodes through invisibility. We stop being seen in the fullness of who we are. We are noticed for what we forgot, what we did not do, what fell short. Over time, the mirror our partner holds up becomes distorted, reflecting only our missteps instead of our character. Appreciations are

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happy holiday couple

Setting Boundaries for Happy Couple Holidays

Couples Counseling, Holiday, Relationship /

The holidays can be one of the most emotionally charged times of the year for couples. Families have long-held traditions, expectations, and opinions about how things “should” be done — and many newly married or long-term couples find themselves caught in the middle. Maybe one partner’s family expects everyone home for Christmas morning, while the other insists on the big dinner with their side that same evening. You love both families and want to please

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attuned couple

How Presence Turns Conflict into Connection

Couples Counseling, Relationship /

“Presence is the opposite of stonewalling, defensiveness, and zoning out. It’s choosing to feel instead of flee, to listen instead of argue, to reach instead of retreat.” The Vanishing Act Every couple knows this moment. You’re mid-conversation—maybe about finances, parenting, or something as small as leaving dishes in the sink—and suddenly, one of you disappears. Not physically, but emotionally. Eyes glaze over. Shoulders tense. One partner retreats into silence while the other presses harder, desperate

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