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What Men Don’t Understand About Female Desire

Men's Mental Health, Relationship, Sexual Health /

Why emotional safety, attunement, and trust are the real aphrodisiacs   Female desire is not a switch…It’s an emergent state shaped by safety, trust, and the everyday climate of your relationship. When those conditions erode, desire doesn’t vanish—it goes offline. One of the most common frustrations I hear from men in long-term relationships sounds deceptively simple: “She just doesn’t want sex anymore.” It is usually said with a mixture of confusion, resentment, and quiet grief, […]

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positive perspective couple

Positive Perspective: Moving From Commiseration to Connection

Relationship, Self-Esteem /

Why We Bond Through Shared Commiseration Does anyone else feel like they bond with others through shared commiseration? I bet you can recall a time. When you are with your friends, have you not complained about another friend? When you are with your family, there is always someone else in the family to be talked about. When you are with your partner, you complain about your day and the stress of life. I would even

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couple ritual of connection

Seeing Your Partner Clearly: Appreciation, Gratitude, and Connection

Couples Counseling, Growth /

One of the quiet truths I have learned through years of clinical work and lived relationship is that intimacy does not erode primarily through conflict. It erodes through invisibility. We stop being seen in the fullness of who we are. We are noticed for what we forgot, what we did not do, what fell short. Over time, the mirror our partner holds up becomes distorted, reflecting only our missteps instead of our character. Appreciations are

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Values vs. Goals: The New Year Reset That Actually Sticks

Men's Mental Health /

An ACT-informed reflection on living with direction, not pressure (and why this is men’s mental health work) January has a particular kind of energy. It is hopeful, yes, but it is also loud. Everywhere you look, the message is some version of: optimize, grind, fix yourself, get serious, get ahead. For a lot of men, that message lands in a familiar place: pressure in the chest, a spike of self-criticism, and an urge to “solve

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Moving Into the New Year with Intention and Emotional Care

Relationship /

January can feel heavy. Learn how to move into the New Year with intention, gentle rituals, and deeper relational connection without pressure or unrealistic resolutions. January has a way of sneaking up on us emotionally. We go from twinkle lights, warm gatherings, and the comforting structure of the holidays to cold mornings, early sunsets, and a sudden pressure to “fix” ourselves with resolutions. If you’re feeling a dip in energy or motivation right now, you’re

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Your Problem vs Our Problem: Shifting to the “We” Perspective

Relationship /

“That’s your problem to deal with.” We live in an individualistic society that tells us we need to take care of ourselves before we can form meaningful relationships with others. Can you recall a time when you were told “that’s your problem to deal with?” It could have come from a parent, a friend, a boss, or a partner. What is the story you told yourself at that moment? Here are some common ones: I’m

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Guys, Gratitude, and Gottman

Guys, Gratitude, and Gottman

Men's Mental Health /

How Men Can Lead with Presence, Appreciation, and Attunement There is something quietly revolutionary about a man who chooses to show up. Not with grand gestures or perfection, but with presence. With curiosity. With the simple daily choice to notice his partner, care about her world, and take responsibility for his part in their connection. When men lean into that version of themselves, something profound happens. Their partner softens. Their home becomes safer. Emotional intimacy

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Are You Dating a “Mama’s Boy”? 5 Signs to Watch (and What to Do)

As Seen In /

At The Relationship Place in San Diego, one pattern we see in couples therapy is when a partner’s relationship with his mother begins to interfere with intimacy, trust, and equality in the romantic relationship. I recently contributed expert insight to a feature on SELF about “mama’s boy” signs. Below is a deeper dive you can share with your partner—or bring to therapy—to start shifting the dynamic. 5 Signs the Mother–Son Dynamic Is Impacting Your Relationship Constant comparisons to his mom. If you’re regularly measured against

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happy holiday couple

Setting Boundaries for Happy Couple Holidays

Couples Counseling, Holiday, Relationship /

The holidays can be one of the most emotionally charged times of the year for couples. Families have long-held traditions, expectations, and opinions about how things “should” be done — and many newly married or long-term couples find themselves caught in the middle. Maybe one partner’s family expects everyone home for Christmas morning, while the other insists on the big dinner with their side that same evening. You love both families and want to please

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attuned couple

How Presence Turns Conflict into Connection

Couples Counseling, Relationship /

“Presence is the opposite of stonewalling, defensiveness, and zoning out. It’s choosing to feel instead of flee, to listen instead of argue, to reach instead of retreat.” The Vanishing Act Every couple knows this moment. You’re mid-conversation—maybe about finances, parenting, or something as small as leaving dishes in the sink—and suddenly, one of you disappears. Not physically, but emotionally. Eyes glaze over. Shoulders tense. One partner retreats into silence while the other presses harder, desperate

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