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Couples Massages: Way Better Than You Think

Dr. Dana McNeil
Latest posts by Dr. Dana McNeil (see all)

Victoria Moorehouse of Popsugar recently interviewed me about my take on couples massages. Not only is Victoria a senior editor, but she is also such a pleasure to talk to!

Many of my clients view a couples massage as a romantic event because it has all the perfect elements of a date: Candlelight or very low soft lighting, soothing spa music, and uninterrupted alone time. Receiving a massage as a couple is also mood-altering. This is a relationship activity I highly recommend, and I’d like to tell you all why. 

Why get a couples massage anyway?:

Couples massage is a soft, quiet experience. Massages allow for each partner to experience a lowered heart rate. They lose the need to participate in physical activity or anxious thinking. Massages allow each person the ability to experience peace and tranquility in the presence of a partner. These elements create the potential for physical and mental connection with your partner, which sets the tone for a romantic date. The end goal of a massage is to feel less stressed, more rejuvenated, and less disconnected from your breathing and your physical body. These activities mentally ground you and help you open up. Massages make couples more able to sit quietly with one another without feeling anxious to rush to fill the void of conversation. Having a massage means reflection and quiet connection that may otherwise feel unfamiliar, or even uncomfortable, for some partners.

Couples Massages and Breaking Down Defenses:

The act of having a massage can also work to break down defenses that a partner may be holding. It is much easier to hold a partner in a positive light when we are relaxed and to be able to notice the things they are doing well. This can often be a time that allows for softer and more emotionally positive discussions about emotional needs versus critical responses.

Our bodies produce a chemical called cortisol when we are stressed. Cortisol impacts the way we breathe, our heart rate, and even our ability to think clearly.

When we have conflict or emotional disconnection in our relationship, it sends our body into a perpetual fight-or-flight process with our partners. Soothing activities extinguish this process. Massage allows for a release of the pent-up emotional energy. A couples massage can allow for both partners to come to a place of lowered stress and cortisol release, allowing for more level-headed conversations.

To Conclude:

We have very few relationships in life where we are given the gift of close personal intimacy. Massage can be a quiet reflection time to re-experience the touch and feel of a partner’s body. For many of us, we do not spend enough quality time caressing or touching the person we care about. Massage can be a nice reminder of the gift we have received by having a romantic partner. It is a time to honor and cherish this person who has chosen us to share life with.  We may take this person for granted sometimes. Sometimes we forget that being in a relationship is not guaranteed. Massage is a nice gift to give back that releases love and connection back into the relationship.

Couples don’t need to spend a lot of money going on dates. They do, however, need to consciously dedicate energy to spending time together connecting without personal distractions. The point of a date is to seek out reminders and experience the amazing personality you fell in love with. That means spending time talking, touching, connecting, and being mentally and emotionally present with a partner. Massage is a great way to accomplish all of those goals. 


If your relationship needs a little more than a couples massage to get back on track, schedule a consultation at The Relationship Place today!

Want more? Read Victoria’s full article here. 

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