ross rachel break

Were Ross and Rachel On A Break? Therapist Dana McNeil’s Take

Dana McNeil

Dana is a gifted, compassionate, and practical therapist and the founder of The Relationship Place. Dana has achieved the highest level of training possible in the Gottman Method of couples therapy. She has special interests in working with all clients, including those who live out-of-the-ordinary lives or have alternative relationships.
Dana McNeil

Recently I sat down with the amazing Alexia Dellner for PureWow to give my take on one of the most “controversial” questions in pop-culture’s past 25 years. First, though, Alexia is a fabulous columnist with a focus on wellness. It truly is a pleasure to explore this topic!

Let’s get to it; were Ross and Rachel actually on a break?

First, there are different kinds of breaks.

Watching the show as a therapist, it’s clear that this wasn’t a very defined break. There was no indication of when they were going to come back and talk about this or if this means that they’re actually breaking up from the relationship. From the get-go, it was also clear neither Ross nor Rachel were in the right mindset to fix their problems.

What they were experiencing in that argument is a term that we call ‘flooding,’ also known as a fight-or-flight or freeze response.

‘Flooding’ is a way to describe impaired decision making in the prefrontal cortex, making impulse control very difficult. Rachel was clearly in a ‘flooded’ moment and needed to take a pause, but was not able to look forward and realize there would be consequences. Rachel’s impulsive stress behavior made Ross ‘flood’ as well. Neither of them had the foresight or ability to think their actions through.

I don’t think Ross’s heart told him that he was on a break.

When you watch his mannerisms and how he’s just kind of responding and reacting to stimulus coming at him (an attractive girl, music, alcohol, etc.), I don’t think his heart thought he was on a break. In fact, he declines Chloe’s advances at first. This moment of doubt is evidence enough that he knew it wasn’t over with Rachel.

If it were my partner, I would feel totally cheated on. Disagree? Read Alexia’s full article here for some extra information.

If you want to learn more about ‘flooding’, decision making, and healthy relationships; schedule a phone consultation with us at The Relationship Place today!

Rest assured that we are still operational!  Although shelter-in-place requirements due to Covid-19 have necessitated closing our physical office, we are still able to offer tele-therapy services via video or phone.

 

We have successfully transitioned existing clients to a tele-therapy format and have found it beneficial in providing continued support to our clients. 

 

For new clients, we are currently offering a free 15-minute video or phone consultation.  For convenience, we are also offering 1/2 hour sessions in addition to our regular hourly sessions.

 

As this current crisis has caused concern for many people, we have been receiving several calls for consultation appointments.  Please contact us right away to schedule your consultation, as time slots are limited.

 

Please continue checking this notice.  We will be updating as circumstances change.

Shelter-in-place requirements due to COVID-19 have necessitated closing our physical office. However, we are still operational and able to offer teletherapy services via video or phone.

 

Our existing clients have found teletherapy very beneficial in receiving continued support.

As this current crisis has caused concern for many people, we have been receiving an increased number of calls for consultation appointments. Please contact us right away to schedule, as time slots are limited.

 

For new clients, we are currently offering a free 15-minute video or phone consultation.  For convenience, we are also offering 1/2 hour sessions in addition to our regular hourly sessions.

 

Please continue checking this notice. We will be updating as circumstances change.

COVID-19 Notices and Updates
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