Take off your rose-colored glasses, this is the most important red flag!
First off, dating doesn’t have to impact your self-esteem. It doesn’t require you to be tricky, vague, or concealing about what you are looking for.
Meeting someone who is willing to own who they are and what they are looking for in a relationship is attractive.
Not in a scary, clingy way, but with a knowingness that conveys an awareness of value. They understand their worthiness and indicate they are a person who is clear about what their needs are. These needs are not dependent on whether the person you are dating has the same needs or goals for a relationship.
The biggest mistake is waiting to talk about the relationship until you know what your potential partner is looking for.
This is a bad decision. It gives the message that you don’t have your own internal compass about relationships. It tells them you are just waiting for your partner to tell you how to feel. Some of my clients are willing to go along with what the other person wants because they are afraid of driving them away. They are concerned that their desire for more time together or a deeper commitment may be more than what their partner is looking for. They tell themselves that some relationship is better than no relationship with this person.
Some of my clients tell themselves that if they just ease their partner into the relationship slowly and remain patient that the other person will eventually grow to want more.
This kind of thinking creates a slippery slope. Telling yourself that you are okay with whatever the other person wants so you don’t lose them is not sustainable.
Usually, these clients find out their partner really meant what they said. They wanted and needed things from a relationship with no intentions of changing or growing into more.
They assumed that their partner would have been just as clear about their intentions from the start. This partner might react with frustration, or even ending the relationship when they realize the expectations were not the same.
If the person you want to date is not on the same page as you and does not want to compromise, then this is not the right person for you.
Hoping that someone will change is not the right environment to start dating. The best attitude to take on a date is confidence. Own your value. The right person will be pleased to experience your authenticity.
Do you need help in a complicated situation? We have your back. Schedule a consultation with The Relationship Place today!
You can also read Kali’s full article here.