Certified Gottman Therapist
Licenses:
California LMFT #99008 | Texas LMFT #205614
Dr. Dana McNeil is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the founder of The Relationship Place, a San Diego couples therapy practice specializing in high-acuity relationships, emotional disconnection, conflict repair, and intimacy concerns. She has achieved the highest level of training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy and is known for her compassionate, direct, and practical approach to helping couples rebuild trust, communication, and closeness.
She is also the founder of Therapy Getaway, a structured couples intensive model designed for couples seeking deep, focused relationship repair. Dana has specialized expertise in midlife marriage challenges, empty nest transitions, and gray divorce, and provides training and professional education for therapists, including work connected to the Gottman Institute.
Her expertise has been featured in national publications including Oprah Daily, Martha Stewart Living, Men’s Health, Bustle, and SELF Magazine.
She is passionate about helping couples move from feeling like roommates to rebuilding emotional and physical connection.
- Why Am I So Anxious in My Relationship? - October 9, 2026
- Breadcrumbing in a Relationship: Why Crumbs Never Add Up to a Cupcake - September 25, 2026
- Dr. Dana McNeil Featured in Good Housekeeping: The Real Lesson Behind “Gummy Bear Mom” Parenting - September 9, 2026
Usually, no. Someone with true narcissistic personality disorder rarely sees themselves as a narcissist, because their self-centered way of thinking and behaving feels normal to them; it’s how they have always viewed themselves and the world. Some people with narcissistic traits do have moments of insight, especially when relationships or work start to suffer, but most don’t connect their problems to their own behavior. If you’re wondering whether you’ve been accommodating a narcissistic partner, these signs of a co-narcissist may help.
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who you identify as possessing the traits of a narcissistic personality disorder, then you probably have lots of questions about how your partner ended up this way! You also probably wonder how they can seem so inconsiderate, self-centered, and insensitive to your needs and feelings. You may have tried to convince yourself that your person must have experienced a traumatic event in life that left them horribly and emotionally scarred in some way to create this behavior. You likely also fantasize that if you just love them enough and are patient enough, then they will turn their behaviors around.
The sad reality is that if you are involved with a person who fits the criteria of being clinically diagnosed as having a personality disorder like narcissism, then the probability of their suddenly becoming insightful about why they are the way they are is slim to none.
Why Does a Narcissist Rarely See His Own Behavior?
When someone experiences what we in the therapy world refer to as a personality disorder, it means the behaviors and thinking the person exhibits have been with them for a very long time, usually since adolescence or early adulthood.
Many therapists view the behaviors of someone who is labeled as being a narcissist as being that person’s response or coping skill to an early trauma that taught them to turn inward and to become overly self-reliant. The theory is that because it feels too scary to depend on other people for their sense of self or to view others as a safe place to self-reflect in ways that allow for growth and develop empathy, they shut off their need to connect or relate to others.
What that means is that these hurtful traits are congruent with the way the person has always viewed themselves and the world they inhabit. As a result, there is a very unlikely probability they think they are doing anything weird, odd, hurtful, or out of the norm for the way they have always existed with everyone in their life prior to you. As the Cleveland Clinic notes, people with NPD may not be aware of it, and some go years or decades without knowing.
How Do Narcissistic Traits Differ From Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder is a diagnosable mental health condition, and it is less common than social media suggests. According to the Cleveland Clinic, research estimates that between 0.5% and 5% of people in the U.S. may have it.
Everyone has some narcissistic traits, and many people act selfishly, arrogantly or insensitively at times, especially under stress. Narcissistic personality disorder is different: it’s a long-standing, pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration and a lack of empathy that shows up across relationships and situations and causes real harm.
While the topic of narcissism is hot right now and there are tons of social media articles that suggest your partner’s unkind behavior must be due to their being a narcissist, the probability of your ending up in a relationship with one is fairly small. Some patterns that look narcissistic, like intense early affection followed by coldness, deserve a closer look; here’s how to tell love or love bombing.
That’s good news from a therapy perspective because most truly diagnosable narcissistic personality disordered people are not interested in going to therapy, working on behavioral changes, and don’t attribute their relationship problems to having anything to do with themselves. It probably doesn’t feel good, but if your partner is just being insensitive, dismissive, or arrogant because they don’t know any better, then there is still hope for things to turn around.
What Should You Do if Your Partner Is Narcissistic?
If you are in a relationship with someone who truly is narcissistic, please remember that your partner has a mental health issue, not a personality flaw.
Believe it or not, your partner may not even be aware that they are doing something hurtful or that their words and actions are rubbing you the wrong way. Consider seeking support from a couples therapist to help learn tools that you both can use to navigate conversations in productive ways. Learning new ways to communicate can help avoid one or both of you becoming defensive or critical so that you can learn how to best ask for your needs moving forward.
If your partner won’t consider therapy, therapy on your own can help you set boundaries, rebuild your sense of self and decide what you need. If a partner’s behavior includes threats, intimidation or control, your safety comes first; the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 1-800-799-7233.
Call The Relationship Place at (619) 535-8890 to schedule a consultation.
