Certified Gottman Therapist
Licenses:
California LMFT #99008 | Texas LMFT #205614
Dr. Dana McNeil is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the founder of The Relationship Place, a San Diego couples therapy practice specializing in high-acuity relationships, emotional disconnection, conflict repair, and intimacy concerns. She has achieved the highest level of training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy and is known for her compassionate, direct, and practical approach to helping couples rebuild trust, communication, and closeness.
She is also the founder of Therapy Getaway, a structured couples intensive model designed for couples seeking deep, focused relationship repair. Dana has specialized expertise in midlife marriage challenges, empty nest transitions, and gray divorce, and provides training and professional education for therapists, including work connected to the Gottman Institute.
Her expertise has been featured in national publications including Oprah Daily, Martha Stewart Living, Men’s Health, Bustle, and SELF Magazine.
She is passionate about helping couples move from feeling like roommates to rebuilding emotional and physical connection.
- Why Am I So Anxious in My Relationship? - October 9, 2026
- Breadcrumbing in a Relationship: Why Crumbs Never Add Up to a Cupcake - September 25, 2026
- Dr. Dana McNeil Featured in Good Housekeeping: The Real Lesson Behind “Gummy Bear Mom” Parenting - September 9, 2026
You rekindle love in a marriage by deliberately rebuilding the friendship and romance that busy years crowd out: making regular time for each other, trying new things together, showing appreciation out loud, turning toward each other’s small bids for attention, bringing back affection and flirting, and talking honestly about what’s missing. Small, consistent actions matter more than one grand gesture. If distance has set in over many years, therapy to reconnect after years together can help you find your way back.
Why Does the Spark Fade in a Marriage?
Early on, closeness comes easily. Everything is new, you’re curious about each other and you make time without thinking about it. Over the years, work, children, money, aging parents and household logistics take more and more of that time and energy. Conversations shrink to schedules. Affection becomes routine or disappears. Small resentments go unspoken.
None of this means the love is gone. It usually means it hasn’t been tended. Understanding why people fall out of love can help you spot which patterns have crept into your marriage.
How Do You Rekindle Friendship in Your Marriage?
Friendship is the foundation that romance grows from. To rebuild it:
- Protect regular time together. A weekly date night or even a standing coffee before work keeps you connected. Need ideas? Try these date night ideas in San Diego.
- Get curious again. Ask questions you haven’t asked in years: what they’re worried about, what they’re looking forward to, what they’d do with a free month.
- Try something new together. Novel activities, like a class, a new hiking trail or a trip somewhere neither of you has been, bring back some of the energy of early dating.
- Laugh together. Shared humor, inside jokes and play are easy to lose and quick to restore.
- Stay on the same team. When stress hits, face it together instead of turning on each other.
Friendship is also where most couples who rekindle love in their marriage start to notice the change first. Before romance returns, you begin to enjoy each other’s company again, look forward to time together and feel like you’re on the same side.
How Do You Rekindle Romance in Your Marriage?
Romance lives in small, everyday gestures more than in grand plans.
- Say what you appreciate. Notice what your partner does and thank them for it specifically. Regular appreciation and gratitude for your partner is one of the fastest ways to warm a relationship.
- Bring back affection. Long hugs, holding hands, a kiss hello and goodbye. Touch that doesn’t have to lead anywhere builds safety and closeness.
- Flirt. Send a playful text, leave a note, compliment how they look.
- Talk about intimacy. Share what you miss and what you’d like more of, gently and without blame. These ways to restore emotional closeness help make those conversations easier.
- Plan surprises. They don’t have to be expensive. A favorite meal or an unexpected afternoon off together says “I’m thinking about you.”
How Do You Rekindle a Marriage After Years of Distance?
When you’ve drifted apart over many years, reconnecting takes patience. You may feel awkward, or carry hurt that has never been talked about.
- Name it together. Agree out loud that you both want to feel closer. That shared goal makes the awkward early steps easier.
- Start small. Ten minutes of real conversation a day or a walk after dinner can matter more than a big trip.
- Address old resentments. Unspoken hurt blocks closeness. You may need to talk through past injuries, ideally with help.
- Be patient with the feelings. Warmth often returns after behavior changes, not before. Keep showing up even when it doesn’t feel natural yet.
- Expect uneven motivation. It’s common for one partner to be more eager than the other at first. The more motivated partner can lead with small, low-pressure gestures rather than big demands, and invite rather than push.
Couples who rekindle love after years of distance often say the relationship that emerges feels different from the one they had at the start: less effortless, perhaps, but more chosen, and built on a deeper understanding of each other.
How Do Gottman Principles Help Rekindle a Marriage?
Everything above maps onto Dr. John Gottman’s research on what makes relationships last. Getting curious about each other builds what Gottman calls love maps. Saying what you appreciate builds fondness and admiration. Responding to each other’s small bids for attention is turning toward instead of away. Rituals like date night create shared meaning. Together, these make up the friendship floors of Gottman’s model, explained in our guide to practicing the Sound Relationship House.
The research also points to the balance of positive and negative moments. Couples who keep many more positive interactions than negative ones, even during disagreements, are more resilient. That’s why the small steps above work: each one is a deposit that makes it easier to rekindle love in your marriage and keep it going.
When Should You See a Couples Therapist to Rekindle Your Marriage?
Consider couples therapy when:
- You’ve tried to reconnect, but nothing seems to stick.
- Conversations about the distance turn into arguments or shutdowns.
- Old resentments or a past betrayal keep getting in the way.
- One of you is starting to wonder whether you want to stay.
- Intimacy has faded and feels too awkward to raise on your own.
A Gottman-trained couples therapist can help you understand how you drifted, rebuild friendship and trust, and talk about hard topics without escalating. Call The Relationship Place at (619) 535-8890 to schedule a consultation.