Certified Gottman Therapist
Licenses:
California LMFT #99008 | Texas LMFT #205614
Dr. Dana McNeil is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the founder of The Relationship Place, a San Diego couples therapy practice specializing in high-acuity relationships, emotional disconnection, conflict repair, and intimacy concerns. She has achieved the highest level of training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy and is known for her compassionate, direct, and practical approach to helping couples rebuild trust, communication, and closeness.
She is also the founder of Therapy Getaway, a structured couples intensive model designed for couples seeking deep, focused relationship repair. Dana has specialized expertise in midlife marriage challenges, empty nest transitions, and gray divorce, and provides training and professional education for therapists, including work connected to the Gottman Institute.
Her expertise has been featured in national publications including Oprah Daily, Martha Stewart Living, Men’s Health, Bustle, and SELF Magazine.
She is passionate about helping couples move from feeling like roommates to rebuilding emotional and physical connection.
- Why Am I So Anxious in My Relationship? - October 9, 2026
- Breadcrumbing in a Relationship: Why Crumbs Never Add Up to a Cupcake - September 25, 2026
- Dr. Dana McNeil Featured in Good Housekeeping: The Real Lesson Behind “Gummy Bear Mom” Parenting - September 9, 2026
You reconnect with your partner through small, everyday moments, not grand gestures: paying full attention when they reach out to you, getting curious about who they are now, and making time to play and have fun together. Disconnection usually grows from busyness and mindlessness rather than a lack of love, so the fix is consistent attention, not a cruise or expensive gift. Here’s more on rekindling love in your marriage.
Many couples have been led to believe that the secret to reconnecting is a Caribbean cruise, a sports car or jewelry. But once there’s a disconnect between partners, gifts and vacations rarely fix it. Love is mended through small acts of attention and kindness: the micro-moments when we choose to listen to our partner.
What Does Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner Look Like?
- You talk mostly about schedules, bills and the kids.
- You feel more like roommates than partners.
- You don’t know what’s really going on in your partner’s life or head.
- You feel lonely, even when you’re together.
- Affection and sex have faded or feel routine.
- You reach for your phone, work or friends before your partner.
- Small disagreements feel bigger than they should.
Why Do Couples Grow Disconnected?
It’s usually not maliciousness but mindlessness. Couples grow apart when busy lives crowd out time for each other, when phones and screens take attention during the moments they used to connect, when small hurts and resentments go unspoken, and when life transitions like a new baby, a move or a demanding job push the relationship to the back burner. Over time, partners stop turning toward each other’s small attempts to connect, and the distance grows.
What Are Three Ways to Reconnect With Your Partner?
Each of these builds the kind of closeness that grows into deeper intimacy; here’s more on building intimacy with your partner.
1. Pay Better Attention
When your partner turns to you with an emotional need, or simply to be heard, do you stop what you’re doing and give them your full attention? Or do you mumble something and nod while scrolling your phone? One of the most important steps to reconnecting is noticing that you may not be giving your partner the attention they seek and deserve. When they reach for you, reach back. Showing kindness and respect in the moments when it feels hard, like when the game is on or a text comes in, goes a long way.
2. Try to Understand Your Partner Better
Disconnection often comes not from what is said between you but from what isn’t. Many couples complain that their partner expects them to be a mind reader. What partners really want is for the other person to take the time to know them. If you’ve been together for years and still don’t know what scares, frustrates or delights your partner, it’s time to get curious. Ask open-ended questions about their worries, hopes and day. The good news is that understanding each other better means taking things less personally: instead of seeing your partner as angry or defensive, you’ll recognize their sensitivities and fears.
3. Play Together
Reconnecting shouldn’t feel like work. One of the best ways to bring back joy is to play together: go to a movie, play air hockey, try a new hike or cook something new. Whatever it is, aim for genuine fun. Laughing together is one of the fastest ways to feel close again.
What Should You Do if Only One of You Is Trying to Reconnect?
It’s common for one partner to notice the distance first, or to want to fix it more. If that’s you:
- Start with small, low-pressure gestures. Invitations work better than demands.
- Say what you’re feeling, gently. “I miss us, and I’d love more time together” lands better than “You never make time for me.”
- Be patient. Your partner may need time to notice the change and respond.
- Look after yourself. Lean on friends and your own interests so you’re not relying on your partner alone.
- Get help if nothing shifts. If your efforts are met with indifference for months, couples therapy, or individual therapy if your partner won’t go, can help you understand what’s happening.
When Does Couples Therapy Help You Reconnect With Your Partner?
Most couples feel disconnected from time to time, and these steps can help you feel closer than ever. Consider couples therapy when the distance has lasted a long time, when attempts to reconnect turn into arguments, when old hurts or a betrayal keep getting in the way, or when one of you is starting to wonder whether you want to stay. A Gottman-trained couples therapist can help you understand how you drifted and rebuild friendship and trust.
Call The Relationship Place at (619) 535-8890 to schedule a consultation. I would be happy to talk with you about how we may be able to help.