Certified Gottman Therapist
Licenses:
California LMFT #99008 | Texas LMFT #205614
Dr. Dana McNeil is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the founder of The Relationship Place, a San Diego couples therapy practice specializing in high-acuity relationships, emotional disconnection, conflict repair, and intimacy concerns. She has achieved the highest level of training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy and is known for her compassionate, direct, and practical approach to helping couples rebuild trust, communication, and closeness.
She is also the founder of Therapy Getaway, a structured couples intensive model designed for couples seeking deep, focused relationship repair. Dana has specialized expertise in midlife marriage challenges, empty nest transitions, and gray divorce, and provides training and professional education for therapists, including work connected to the Gottman Institute.
Her expertise has been featured in national publications including Oprah Daily, Martha Stewart Living, Men’s Health, Bustle, and SELF Magazine.
She is passionate about helping couples move from feeling like roommates to rebuilding emotional and physical connection.
- Why Am I So Anxious in My Relationship? - October 9, 2026
- Breadcrumbing in a Relationship: Why Crumbs Never Add Up to a Cupcake - September 25, 2026
- Dr. Dana McNeil Featured in Good Housekeeping: The Real Lesson Behind “Gummy Bear Mom” Parenting - September 9, 2026
Realistically, you can expect therapy to give you a safe place to understand yourself, tools for handling your thoughts, emotions and relationships, and steady progress over weeks and months, not a quick fix. Progress usually has ups and downs, your therapist will guide you rather than solve things for you, and what you get out of it depends a lot on what you put in. If you’re starting couples work, here’s what to expect in couples therapy too.
It’s easy to set high expectations for an experience and then feel let down when it doesn’t match. Therapy is no different. Expectations that are too high or unrealistic can be discouraging and take away from the progress you are making. Setting realistic expectations for therapy helps you track your progress, stay with it when things get challenging, and create a safe space for your healing and growth.
What Can Therapy Do and What Can It Not Do?
Therapy can:
- Give you a safe, confidential and nonjudgmental place to explore your thoughts and feelings.
- Help you understand patterns in your emotions, behavior and relationships.
- Teach practical tools for managing anxiety, low mood, conflict and stress.
- Help you heal from painful experiences, including trauma.
- Help couples communicate, repair and reconnect.
Therapy can’t:
- Change another person who isn’t in the room or isn’t willing to change.
- Erase painful feelings entirely. It helps you handle them differently.
- Work without your effort between sessions.
- Guarantee a particular outcome, such as saving a relationship.
Above all, therapy is a place to build a healthy relationship with yourself, working with your thoughts, body, feelings and emotions to make life more manageable and fulfilling. It isn’t meant to add pressure to perform or achieve. If you’re coming in as a couple, it helps to understand the different types of couples therapy and how each approaches change.
What Are 10 Tips for Setting Realistic Expectations for Therapy?
1. Define Your Goals
What are you hoping to get out of therapy? To work through a specific relationship or experience, feel less anxiety less often, heal trauma, learn self-compassion, or improve intimacy and communication with your partner? Clear goals make progress easier to see.
2. Expect a Safe, Neutral Space
Your therapist’s job is to create a nurturing, nonjudgmental place for you to explore your thoughts and feelings, at your own pace.
3. Expect Ups and Downs
Therapy is not a straight line. Sometimes things feel harder before they feel better, especially when you start talking about painful topics.
4. Expect Guidance, Not Rescue
Your therapist will offer tools and techniques for navigating your thoughts, feelings, experiences and relationships. They are there to support and guide you, not to fix you or make decisions for you.
5. Be Patient
Therapy is a process, not a one-time event. Just as getting physically fit takes time and commitment, so does getting mentally and emotionally fit. We don’t go to the gym once or twice and expect our bodies to change.
6. Learn About What You’re Working On
Did you experience a trauma? Do you struggle to maintain healthy relationships? Have you been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder? Even if you’ve come to therapy for your overall well-being, learning about the process helps.
7. Aim for Growth, Not “Fixing” Yourself
Make the goal to increase your overall health and well-being, not to “get rid” of something or change what is “wrong” with you.
8. Set Expectations With Your Therapist
Talk openly with your therapist about your goals, how you’ll measure progress and how often you’ll meet. They are a great resource for setting realistic expectations for yourself.
9. Stay Flexible and Curious
You never know what might come up when you begin therapy, and you may go down paths you never knew existed. Trust that what comes up is worth exploring.
10. Put In the Work and Notice Your Progress
What you get out of therapy depends on what you put in: showing up consistently, being willing to look honestly at yourself and practicing new skills between sessions. Acknowledge your progress, big and small, along the way.
What Should You Expect in Your First Therapy Sessions?
The first few sessions are mostly about getting to know each other. Your therapist will ask about what brought you in, your history, your relationships and what you hope to change. You’ll talk about goals and how you’ll work together. In couples therapy, early sessions often include time with both partners and sometimes a session with each partner individually.
It’s normal to feel nervous or unsure at first. It’s also fine to ask your therapist questions about their approach, how long they expect therapy to take and what to do if something isn’t working for you. Feeling comfortable with your therapist matters; it’s one of the strongest predictors of a good outcome.
How Long Does Therapy Take to Work?
It depends on what you’re working on, how long it has been going on and how often you meet. According to the American Psychological Association, some people begin to feel better in about six to 12 sessions, and most find some benefit within a few sessions when working on a single, well-defined problem. Longstanding patterns, trauma and relationship issues can take longer, sometimes a year or more.
How Can You Tell If Therapy Is Working?
- You understand yourself, your reactions or your relationship more clearly.
- You’re using new skills outside of sessions, even imperfectly.
- Difficult feelings come up less often or pass more quickly.
- Conversations that used to escalate now go a little better.
- You feel more hopeful, even if problems haven’t disappeared.
If you don’t notice any change after a few months, bring it up with your therapist. Adjusting goals, approach or even therapist is a normal part of the process.
How Do You Start Therapy at The Relationship Place?
Our therapists at The Relationship Place are here to support you and answer any questions you might have. We work with individuals and couples, including through Gottman Method couples therapy. Contact us or call (619) 535-8890 for a free 15-minute consultation to learn more about what to expect in therapy. Your journey begins today.
